New Year New Me

So it’s the first day of 2018 and very predictably I am here to make some resolutions. 

2017 was one of the worst years I have every had. I experienced loss, family issues, marital issues and had to watch my beautiful princess peach deal with things I wish she never had to worry about. 

This led to some pretty stupid behaviour on my part. Spending and eating my feelings away. The problem is though that high from buying crap you don’t need or eating that family bar of chocolate only lasts so long. It only holds the pain away for so long. 

At times this year I thought those 5 minutes where I wasn’t in pain were worth the impact of all those poor behaviours but I was wrong. 

I spent money I didn’t really have and delayed my attempts to get debt free. This has caused me more stress and in some way compounds my problems. 

I now have draws full of makeup I will never be able to truely use up. Much of it I don’t really like that much never mind love. 

Comfort eating made me feel a little better in the moment but has taken me from fat to morbidly obese. It’s placed pressures on my health, making it difficult to breath and to walk. It’s embarrassed me and caused me discomfort. Nothing is more embarrassing than having to exit a ride because you are too fat for the safety bar to go down. It’s not fun to worry before going to a concert if you will fit in the seats.

It’s hard to admit that the man who has loved you for over a decade is no longer sexually attracted to you. Does he love me, yes I know he does. But realising the reason you aren’t having sex anymore is because he doesn’t fancy you when you are the size of a baby hippopotamus hurts. I’ve never been thin and he loves me regardless of my size but loving me doesn’t mean he wants to sleep with me. 

 Those moments of pleasure from the food isn’t worth the consequences. 

2018 has to be different. I want to reach my 10th anniversary and for my husband to look at me and feel just as attracted to me as he did the day we married. I want to be debt free by the end of the year. I want to have changed jobs to something that really challenges and pushes me. 

I want to look back in a years time and be proud of myself. Because today I’m not proud. I’m ashamed. 

So what am I going to do to enact all of this amazing change. 

Nothing much. I’m going to make small steps. 

• I’m going to pan my makeup. No more buying. I’m using what I have and only buying a replacement when I don’t have any other alternatives. 
• No more buying crap. I’ve delegated wish off my phone, cancelled all my subscriptions and am taking lunch to work from now on. 
• I’m not going on a diet because I’ll just rebel against it. Instead I’m going to ask myself if I really want it. Am I hungry or am I just eating because board. 
• I’m going to be active and do at least 30 min of exercise a day. It won’t be at the gym but walking the dog, taking the stairs, dancing like a loon in the kitchen with my daughter. 

I’m not setting myself up to fail. I just want to go to sleep every night proud of myself and happy with my day. Something this year has taught me is that we only have a finite amount of days, don’t waste them. 

Love

Kay

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